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YOU’RE DOING WHAT?
Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
With the economy tanking and more and more young ladies being fired from their full time jobs, many tittie bars around the country are experiencing a surge of promising new strippers looking for work. While an ailing economy brings fewer customers to local strip clubs, it often will bring out more women willing to give pole dancing a try.
And that is what happened to Michelle. She’s 29 year old and eight weeks ago fired from her accounting job. With a condo, a mortgage, property taxes, college loans, car payments, health club membership, utilities, food, clothing, entertainment, and her addiction to red wine, it was urgent Michelle find work.
I jokingly suggested becoming a stripper. After all, all summer long emceeing biker shows, I’ve gotten to know strippers earning potential - and it’s a lot more than being an accountant.
So Michelle called a strip club sixty miles away from her downtown condo. Most adult entertainers work as independent contractors, meaning they pay club owners a fee to perform and then keep the money they earn from tips and private dances. Because it doesn’t cost club owners extra cash to take on new dancers, club managers lose nothing by adding more women to their dance roster.
Michelle called me today. She just celebrated one month at her new job. She’s still uneasy that she’ll run into someone she knows - but she’s taking home more money than ever before. And it’s cash! None of her friends know she’s dancing naked to support her lifestyle and she’s turned on by the secret. She said she’ll dance 6 more months and then look for another accounting job.
Yea right! That’s as likely as my friend Mal never complaining about his soon-to-be wife Sharron.
Tags: Strip clubs, strippers
Posted in Humor, Sex | 10 Comments »THE PERFECT STRIPPER NAME
Wednesday, August 13th, 2008
I didn’t plan on writing about strippers three days in a row but I believe the proverb “TITTIE BARS AND BEER” has become as universal as LOX AND BAGELS.
What charms me most about strippers is their made-up names. As an emcee, working the crowds at biker events, I need to remember names quickly. But strippers always fuck it up for me. It’s simple to remember Jill and Beth, but why do strippers need to name themselves Bambi and Destiny, or my hardest to remember is Chastity. Can’t they be Susie and Mary?
They say NO because the book of “Etiquette for Strippers” states you must name yourself with a stupid made-up name. It also says to make it challenging. This is why they’re tough to remember, because they’re stupid.
And how do you think these girls decide what names to give themselves? There are websites entirely dedicated for the wannabee strippers - Everything from what to wear to what to name yourself.
If I was a stripper my name would be “Pussy.” Every guy can remember that.
Tags: strippers
Posted in Bikers, Humor | 9 Comments »Strippers & Gymnasts
Tuesday, August 12th, 2008
Stripper poles are a recent phenomenon. Its origin only dates back to the 1960’s about the same time the 8–track tape was introduced.
The pole was used by Miss Belle Jangles at Mugwmps strip club in Oregon in 1968. The same year Led Zeppelin released the classic album Led Zeppelin II, featuring the hit single “Whole Lotta Love.”
I enjoy watching exotic dancers spin upside down. Hell, that’s why I’m watching the Olympics. These young gymnasts are the future strippers across America.
I know that observation may upset some of you Moms and Dads who drive your sweethearts to gymnastic classes. But the reason Olivia likes to do the splits and whack her stomach against the parallel bars is because she likes the freedom of her body. The same reason Miss Bellee Jangles found a use for the pole now referred to as the “stripper’s pole.”
More importantly, being a stripper beats working at Wal-Mart, getting insulted by obnoxious customers. Or being a lawyer snubbed by the judge. Strippers are adored and adulated and paid well. They can Lip-Sync to any Bon Jovi song and they enjoy rubbing their salubrious naked bodies on stranger’s faces.
Moms, of course I’m not talking about your little treasure – On the other hand I may be. There’s a greater probability that your young one will grow up to be a stripper and not an Olympic gymnast.
Tags: strippers
Posted in Humor | 30 Comments »Stripper Trump
Tuesday, July 15th, 2008 |
| A stripper recording her tips |
For the past several years I’ve been hanging out with a lot of strippers and the one thing they all have in common, besides being exhibitionists, is that they’re shrewd business women with clever marketing skills.
Young adults graduate college with expensive degrees in sales and marketing but can’t perform the most urgent duty that’s necessary to become successful; closing the deal in the shortest amount of time.
Not strippers! The DJ plays two songs and these exotic dancers  close the deal; otherwise they don’t make money to feed their three kids that they had at eighteen, nineteen, and twenty.
Unlike my kid, strippers work relentlessly and have to constantly learn new ways to spin on the pole. And most intriguing is that strippers can hide their menstrual periods from the men they dance for. You see, strippers have no choice but to work - because most of them don’t have husbands. And while our spoiled kids begin college, strippers are getting their butts slapped to close the deal before “Highway to Hell” ends.
The reason I’m bringing this up is because I am negotiating a business agreement with several strippers for the “After Sturgis Gathering Motorcycle Rally” August 7th through the 10th in Black River Falls, Wisconsin.
It’s like negotiating with Celine Dion to sing the National Anthem for my fourth of July backyard barbecue.
Tags: strippers
Posted in Humor | 4 Comments »WHO’S SMARTER?
Tuesday, May 6th, 2008
A) Strippers
B) School teachers
C) All of the above
If you answered “C” you’re correct.
Last night I emceed a company bowling tournament where four beautiful exotic dancers were on hand to entertain the bowlers. At 11PM sharp all four scurried out the front door to go home and grade papers and prepare lesson plans for the next day. You see - the flirtatious strippers that were shaking their naked hips are also dedicated public school teachers.Â
If I would have known that when my kid was a tot - I would have scheduled more private parent / teacher conferences….. And brought a lot of singles with me!
Posted in Humor, Sex | 2 Comments »
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