Who is Stuart Jacobson?

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Swingers

MY COUSIN MICKEY

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

Last Saturday evening I went to see comedian Susie Essman (Curb Your Enthusiasm) in concert. It was like being at the Rascal House in Miami Beach at 5PM.

But the highlight was running into my cousin Mickey and his wife Ellen. Mickey was my childhood inspiration. A couple years older and the James Dean of the family. I copied a lot of Mick’s shameless behavior and got punished a lot for trying to be like him.

But what I respect most about Mickey is that he’s amazingly quick with a funny line that perfectly fits in the conversation. it’s an extraordinary skill to be comical; and not obnoxious.

So as we were driving home, I said to my wife, “If Mickey wasn’t in the collection business he’d be a great emcee at swinger’s parties.” He’s got lots of energy. He’s cute in a Jewish kind of way. He’s extremely likable. And he and Ellen love playing games with other couples. Unfortunately for Mickey, it’s Charades and not Blow Job Musical Chairs.

Now I know Mick is probably reading this and thinking of a way to tell Ellen that he’s giving up collections to go on the road with swingers.

I’d love to be a fly on the wall when that happens.

Posted in Humor, Swingers | 5 Comments »

I’M NOW A “SWINGERS ADVICE COLUMNIST”

Monday, October 13th, 2008

COME BACK TOMORROW TO SEE FRONT

I received an email from Melissa requesting my opinions. I find that flattering and will do my best to answer your questions. Today I will start with the first of several she is asking.

“Why does it excite someone to watch their partner have sex with someone else?”

If you believe in God Melissa, you may as well thank him because you can’t change “Gods Plan.” It’s the macrobiotic wiring he installed in us at fertilization.

What’s interesting is how God decides who gets what. Like which baby boy God will give the “Balding Gene” too. Or which baby girl will grow up with perfectly shaped breasts. Or the more important tools God hands out at conception, like who’ll get the penis the size of John Holmes and who’ll suffer humiliation having a dick the size of Danny Bonaduce.

You may not think of God’s ability that way, but for most of us who believe in God, he is the architect. Not Carl Rove!

So back to your question Melissa – It’s hard to explain why some men and women enjoy watching their partner with someone else. I’ve asked that question many times when emceeing swinger’s conventions and it’s always the same answer, “IT TURNS ME ON!” No other answer required.

But here’s what I know for sure Melissa - if you’re thinking about having sex with someone other than your husband while he watches, be certain to thank God when it’s over.

The Almighty likes to hear back from us, often - Especially if you’re benefiting from his plan.

I wish I had that kind of power. I would have never created Barney Frank.

Tags: barney Frank

Posted in Humor, Sex, Swingers | 8 Comments »

LEARNING SEX FROM OUR ANCESTORS

Monday, September 15th, 2008

Last Saturday I was booked to speak for a group of reincarnated people. The subject: The Sexual Revolution – “THAT YOU MISSED!”

But did they? As children, we never think of our parents, and especially our grandparents, as sexual beings. Moms were Moms and Grandparents smelled like brisket. But sex is sex and I was convinced that things weren’t much different then.

So I began to research. That’s what sociologists do! And here is what I unraveled.

By the 1940s, Americans had adopted liberal attitudes towards sex. Sex started to appear in films. Sexy photo spreads of partially naked women began appearing in magazines. Ladies were flaunting their TITTIES. And the men loved it!

This new youth culture was beginning to change the landscape of sexual expression. And couples came to view porn as a major dynamic in their marriage.

And then in 1949, a hugely popular sex survey was published. This study was based on the candid responses of thousands of men and women across America.

One in four men admitted to having sex with prostitutes. One in five men said that they’d had a homosexual experience. Five in five men said they masturbate several times a day. (I made that one up)

One in five women admitted to an extra-marital affair. And one in three children was conceived outside of marriage.

After I ended my spiel to this reincarnated group, a lovely couple who died on their 52nd wedding anniversary, leaving behind 4 kids and 13 grandchildren asked, “Is swapping partners still popular today like it was in the 50’s?

Not my parents. And especially not my grandparents!

Posted in Humor, Swingers | 15 Comments »

Midwest Amateur Porn Search

Thursday, August 21st, 2008

Marv, owner of Club NCN

Next Friday I leave town to emcee the ‘Midwest Amateur Porn Search” at Club NCN in Black River Falls, Wisconsin. You may ask – why so many sex induced events at Club NCN? That’s because Club NCN is one of the few ‘ADULT ONLY’ campgrounds in America.

Ninety acres of magnificent nature! A man-made lake for clothing optional sunbathing - a clothing optional restaurant serving great food, and a giant clubhouse that has a bravura hot tub that is not clothing optional, but ‘NUDE ONLY.’

This unique campground is surrounded by hills and beautiful farms and small towns. NCN is located in unincorporated Black River Falls and is home to swinger’s events, biker shows, fetish festivals, and the Midwest Amateur Porn Search.

So what do I do there? Foremost, I’m not naked! But everyone else is! This makes my job as the emcee a hell of a lot more fun than emceeing a potato sack race for screaming ten year olds at a YMCA day camp.

My job is to create fun. Sing a few tunes and tell a few jokes. Introduce people. Make a few announcements. And reveal this year’s Midwest Amateur Porn winner.

Generous Marv lets me drive his TRIKE on the biker runs.

Then it’s back home to resume my ordinary life - Like being screamed at and humiliated by my teenage son for requesting that he be home before I wake up in the morning. And my wife yelling at me for not cleaning the sink bowl after I brush my teeth. And my gardener shaking me down for more money. And our cleaning lady shouting at me in Polish to wake up - on the only day I can sleep late.

My job definitely doesn’t come home with me.

 

 

Posted in Bikers, Humor, Performances, Sex, Swingers | 7 Comments »

I Love You But!

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008

I’m constantly asked if my wife and I are swingers. NO!

I’m a professional entertainer who found a niche’ performing at swinger’s parties. My own personal opinion is that every couple should try it and decide if the lifestyle is for them. There’s a reason that “Ashley Madison,” the popular website for married individuals networking to have discreet affairs is so popular. I don’t need to explain why.

Tags: Ashley Madison

Posted in , Swingers | 2 Comments »