Who is Stuart Jacobson?

Tittie Bars And Beer

Sociology

So what’s the Problem?

Monday, August 4th, 2008

Last week the town of Lavonia Georgia shelled out nearly $1 million to buy and shut down Cafe Risque, a strip club along Interstate 85. I would suggest prohibiting reality TV before eradicating strip clubs.

If you fear that your little kiddies will get besmirched driving by and seeing a flashing neon sign advertising naked women, you need psychiatric help. There’s never been scientific evidence that anyone grows up perverted if there’s a strip club nearby your home.

The damage happens when little Jacob and Ashley are peeking through Mom and Dad’s nightstand drawer and they find a gigantic dildo, porn, and digital naked photos of Mom giving Dad a blowjob. The next thing you know, little Jacob is always horny and Ashley is giving the football team blowjobs.

In my line of business, emceeing biker shows, I meet lots of strippers and I’m often invited to the clubs where they work. I regularly sit at the bar rather than near the stage talking to the patrons. I’m a sociologist and my curiosity is always probing for answers.

Here is what I’ve uncovered. Visiting strip clubs is a healthy activity. In fact, more married couples are going together than ever before. So no longer are these clubs filled with guys only. And you want to know what else! These clubs pay a lot of taxes to your community; so the streets don’t have potholes and the schools can have after school programs. And here’s something else! The people that frequent these establishments are your co-workers, spouses, friends, neighbors, your toddler’s school teachers, the mayor and everyone else you probably know. They are law abiding citizens who have the same rights to go to Café Risque that you have to go to the Easter Parade and get excited over the Easter Bunny dancing in front of you.

So for all of you upstanding individuals with morals superior to mine – I don’t believe you’re that good. Remember former President Bill Clinton.

Posted in Humor, Sex, Sociology | 17 Comments »

The Times They Are A-Changin’

Wednesday, May 14th, 2008

Here’s a middle-class trend you’ll see more often in this declining economy - Separate checks when a group of people go out for dinner.

Normally, when several couples go out, everyone at the table orders appetizers, dinner, cocktails, more cocktails, a round of shots, dessert, and more cocktails. The excessive bill arrives and everyone splits it evenly – no matter if someone drinks less, more, or passes on the tequila shots. But nowadays with business slow and the cost of gasoline high, why should I pay for someone who orders more drinks than me.

I propose that wait staff at all restaurants, casual and fancy, ask their customers if they would like separate checks - Isn’t that how they did it in the old days?

Posted in Humor, Politics, Sociology | 4 Comments »

Cock-A-Doodle-Doo Marc Dann

Monday, May 5th, 2008

Something you should know——When Moses came down from the mountain, he said to his people, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, I have him talked down to ten! The bad news is, adultery is still one of them.” So there it is - in light of another popular politician going down last Friday - Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann, admitting he was having an extramarital affair with an employee.

The scandalous news of adultery is more and more frequent and rather than denouncing this observable fact we should comprehend it. According to therapist Peggy Vaugn who authored the book “Monogamy Myth,” about 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage. I would contend the other men and women who will not have affairs are so grossly unattractive that they couldn’t find anyone to do it with.

Something else you should know - When Patrick Henry said to the House of Burgesses on March 23, 1775, “Give me Liberty, or give me death,” what Henry really wanted to say was, “Give me liberty, and give me a babe other than my wife?” But that wasn’t politically correct so he threw the death thing in…..

Can good Americans stop being adulterers? Doubtful! What’s the solution? Very simple! Before getting married, warn your partner that it’s more likely than not you will have an extra marital affair. If they say okay, you got it made and will likely go on to celebrate a golden anniversary. If not, risk getting caught, humiliate your partner, and be immortalized as a schmuck. Have a good day Marc Dann!

Posted in Humor, Sex, Sociology | 1 Comment »

Part III (the conclusion)

Thursday, May 1st, 2008

Two sociological details I’ve learned from emceeing swinger’s events. 1) Swingers seldom discuss swinging with anyone outside the lifestyle - so you would never know if you’re best friend, or your parents, or your kid’s teacher, or your doctor, or anyone else you know are swingers. You may think you know everything about someone you know well - but if they swing, it’s not probable they would share that secret with you.

And the other sociological detail I’ve ascertained is swingers are love-struck with voyeurism and exhibitionism – which is why Rhonda wanted to accomplish her gangbang fantasy in front of all her friends and strangers.

We planned, we executed, and we succeeded.

We had a stage with a sex swing, a disc jockey, a buffet with appetizers, auditorium style seating. We had three women who volunteered to be flufffers. (A fluffer is someone whose role is to sexually arouse the male participants)

Rhonda jumped into the swing, I did a little monologue, wrote and played a song about Rhonda’s gangbang craving, and emceed the whole event while male volunteers jumped out of their seats to get their turn at Rhonda.

So it wasn’t “Fiddler on the Roof” but Rhonda fulfilled her fantasy and I added one more credit to my emceeing accomplishments.

The next morning I arrived back in Chicago, grabbed a lox and bagel sandwich for breakfast, chatted with my wife about the weekend, and left for another event I was emceeing. This time it was a fundraiser where everyone was dressed. The life of a professional emcee is never boring!

Tags: fantasy, Fiddler On the Roof, gangbangs, Swingers, voyeurism

Posted in Sex, Sociology, Swingers | 2 Comments »

Part ll

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008

I’m not talking about the awful cliché gangbangs you watch in trashy porn films as twenty chauvinistic guys with oversize penis’s stand in a circle around one slutty woman who’s lying in the middle receiving gargantuan pleasure as she is verbally abused while having intercourse. This gangbang was much classier. Here’s how it unfolded - but first a definition of what a gangbang is for those who are not sure what I’m talking about.

Wikipedia - A gang bang (or gangbang) is a situation in which a woman has sexual intercourse with multiple partners in turn. The term is now increasingly applied only to consensual sexual behavior in the sexual swinging community. It exists as a specialized form of group sex and sometimes figures in sexual fantasy.

I was hired (keep in mind I get paid to do this) to emcee a weekend-long swinger’s festival. Rhonda, a successful mortgage broker and her husband Roger, a medical doctor (not their real names) wanted to fulfill Rhonda’s fantasy of Rhonda being the star of a gangbang. Since I was already hired to be there to entertain the swingers, I suggested we make this ‘gangbang’ a theatrical success, like “Fiddler on the Roof” for swingers. They agreed and the preparation began - Tune in tomorrow for Part 3

Tags: gangbang

Posted in Sex, Sociology, Swingers | 1 Comment »