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Hollywood

Can It Get Any Scarier?

Friday, October 17th, 2008

Liberal Hollywood would like us to think that celebrities are more in touch with the average American.

Here are the facts –

• 72% of celebrities are high school dropouts.
• 89% of celebrities that went on to college dropped out.
• Only 7% went to a university.
• 77% of celebrities have been arrested for a felony.
• 65% spent time in rehabs for drugs or alcohol.
• 87% of celebrities vote Democratic.

The chutzpeh that these loudmouth boorish celebrities think that they are more in touch with Americans -

And here are a few of Obama’s celebrity supporters that will have an open invitation to hang out, stay overnight, and binge in the White House kitchen.

Oprah, Barbara Streisand, Michael Moore, Oliver Stone, Alec Baldwin, Paris Hilton, Madonna, Rosie O’Donnell, Ted Danson, Nicole Ritchie, Lindsey Lohan, Scarlett Johansson, Richard Dreyfus George Clooney, Will Smith, Chevy Chase, Larry David, Rob Reiner, Jessica Biel, Usher, Barry Manilow, Jerry Springer, Sally Field, 50 Cent, Jay Z, Leo DiCaprio, Steven Spielberg, Candace Bergen, Ivanka Trump, Babyface, Mat Daman, Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters.

In a Senator Obama presidency, the White House will replace the Playboy Mansion as the place for celebrities to be seen.

I don’t know about you, but I’m scared that if a crisis call rings at 3AM – Chris Rock will answer it.

Posted in Hollywood, Humor, Politics | 7 Comments »

REVENGE OF THE NERDS MEET SWINGERS

Thursday, September 18th, 2008

Sunday morning I’ll be leaving for Los Angeles to emcee an event on Monday.

I’ll be bringing many copies of my fabulously funny screenplay that I originally wrote with screenwriter Steve Zacharias, the guy who wrote “Revenge of the Nerds.”

Zach is an incredibly funny and talented guy - and he taught me everything I know about writing a movie.

I met Zach through a publicist we both know. After hanging out in Zach’s living room and playing a few of my tunes on guitar, he suggested we write a movie together about swingers.

We worked together for about a year and wrote a very funny screenplay. Unfortunately no one else thought it was funny and the one-hundred-and-nineteen pages of dialogue sits neglected in a folder on my back-up hard drive. Occasionally I call Zach to say ‘HI,’ but otherwise the project is deader than MSNBC ratings.

A few months later I wrote another witty screenplay about the same subject – swingers. It was read at the ‘FIRM,’ the most powerful entertainment agency in the country. But Hollywood doesn’t always recognize a blockbuster, and that too is sitting in a folder on my back-up hard drive.

I then said to myself, If the movie “Pie In the Sky” can get made, then my screenplay can too. It was then suggested that I first write a ten page narrative about my storyline, and then submit it. I was relieved - writing a screenplay is exhausting and time consuming.

I’m now finished and my narrative is going to be delivered to Steven Spielberg Sunday at 3:00PM.

After my flight lands and I pick up my rental car, I’ll be driving to the Starbucks at 23755 Malibu Rd, in Malibu where Steve sips his Mocha Frappuccino.

Unfortunately I don’t know Spielberg. And he doesn’t know I’ll be there waiting. But just in case he does stop by, I’ll have my narrative ready to give him.

Big doors SWING on little hinges!

Posted in Hollywood, Humor | 14 Comments »

PUTIN ON FRIENDS

Monday, August 18th, 2008

As I watch all the presidential crap on television, I find myself caring less about who will and who won’t do what, if elected president. It won’t matter anyway if we’re all wiped out by the mad Russians.

It was only a matter of time before Russia’s notorious “Putz Putin and the Vodka Guzzling Bandits,” went back to its reckless ideology?

Everything seemed to be going great in Russia. The women are now shaving….And drinking shots of vodka is still the people’s choice when choosing an exercise.

Unlike Americans, no one diets in Russia. The men stay fit by smoking twelve packs a day and the women think thin by buying clothes two sizes too small for their body. These fems look like SUB sandwiches squeezed into Cling Wrap.

So why has Putin gotten so irritable? Because his cable company cancelled “Friends.” Now Putin is retaliating! He’s leveraging his importance with the cable company owned by a Georgian conglomerate.

If Mad Vlad puts down his guns and goes home, you know “Friends” is back on the air.

Tags: Russia

Posted in Hollywood, Humor | 7 Comments »

Good Morning America

Monday, June 2nd, 2008

I’m back! For my devoted readers who’ve been wondering where I’m at –

Last Monday I got a call from a well-known Hollywood director who read my screenplay and liked it – that was the good news…”it’s funny, interesting, and well written,” he said. “But it needs to be better.”

He told me to write a ten page narrative outlining my story before doing anymore re-writes.”  Did it – sent it and the crusade continues cause I ain’t givin’ up!

 

BLACK RIVER RUMBLE JUNE 26th - 29TH
www.blackriverrumble.com
The wildest biker festival in America - And I’m the Emcee!

Listen to Sorority Girl:

Tags: Hollywood, Screenwriter

Posted in Hollywood | No Comments »

Please Come Back On Monday

Tuesday, May 27th, 2008

When Hollywood dictates the rabble must follow – or something like that. I will be taking the rest of this week off to write a ten page narrative for my screenplay ‘Lifestyle.’ Have a good week.

 

 

 

Tags: Hollywood

Posted in Hollywood | 3 Comments »