Who is Stuart Jacobson?

Tittie Bars And Beer

Archive for September, 2008

Louie

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

My friend Louie, who you’ll meet in the video, is typical of so many Americans who will not vote in this election.

It is estimated that over 36% of all registered voters will not vote in November. Why? For many, voting is an unfamiliar task: They don’t know where the polling place is. For others they may not know who is running for president. And for Louie, it’s because he thinks he has to pay to vote.

Louie is one of the best motorcycle polishers in the business. He smokes non-stop and says the word “fuck” incessantly. But what makes Louie uptight is that he suffers from medomalacuphobia.

If Louie finds out I wrote this blog I won’t be voting in November either.

Posted in Bikers, Humor | 10 Comments »

I Did It!

Monday, September 29th, 2008

After years of contemplating a tattoo, I finally did it. Not because of a mid-life adjustment or because I was drunk, but because it took me that long to make certain that whatever I was going to permanently engrave on my body was philosophically “ME.” So while emceeing the Black River Rumble this past weekend I got up the courage and did it!

West Side Tattoo & Body Piercing located at 5626 N. 91st Street in Milwaukee is the exclusive tattooist at all the biker events at NCN. Every one of their customers at the biker shows loves their work and I’ve never seen them do a bad tattoo. So I knew WestSide was going to do mine.

I explained to one of their tattooists, Pokey, what I wanted and he drew up a rendering. I liked it a lot. I called my wonderful wife Marina to get the final okay; I fearlessly sat in a chair while the owner of the company and chief tattooist, Ed, poked thousands of holes in my arm. An hour or so later, I was tattooed.

What’s the significance of my tattoo? The Chai is a symbol that figures prominently in the Jewish culture and consists of the letters of the Hebrew alphabet Het (ח) and Yod (י). And these two letters standing together means “living.” In other words, my tattoo is my celebration “To Life.”

And there’s nothing I don’t like about it!

Posted in Humor | 25 Comments »

Born to be Wild

Thursday, September 25th, 2008

I’m leaving today to emcee the Black River Rumble, Part II. This is my last rowdy biker’s show until next spring. Have a wonderful weekend and I’ll be returning on Monday.

LeChaim

Posted in Humor | 11 Comments »

Back From California

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

My corporate performance was a success. Of course I had no doubts that it would be any different given that I had an amazing supporting cast working with me.

One of America’s most sought after close-up magicians, Art Trace, who lives in Hollywood did walk-around magic. My sound guy, Bill Lovelace, from Long Beach, couldn’t have been a nicer guy to work with. And the artistic genius of caricaturist Deb Allen made everyone look younger and thinner than they are.

Tropical was the theme and show girls and steel drummers greeted the one-hundred-and-fifty customers of “Liberty Glove and Safety Wear,” as they entered the ballroom of the luxurious Hyatt Regency in Garden Grove, California.

On a sadder note – Steven Spielberg never showed up at the Starbucks in Malibu.

Posted in Humor | 27 Comments »

WHERE HAVE ALL THE “HOT” STEWARDESSES GONE!

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

So I’m sitting at a Starbucks  and one of my DJ friends called. I said, “Mark, I’m in Anaheim, California emceeing a corporate event and I’m waiting around bored to death.“

He said, “I was in Anaheim last week visiting a couple of flight attendants and I had a blast!”

I instantly thought – WOW! FLIGHT ATTENDANTS! Hot Babes! Mile High Club! Party Animals! And then I thought to myself, when was the last time I saw a “HOT” flight attendant.

If they exist, I haven’t seen any in a lot of years. Every time I’m flying on an airplane, the flight attendants look middle-aged, overweight, and not happy picking up after me.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m middle age, always struggling with my weight, and not happy about picking up after me too. But still, I perceive flight attendants as “HOT” and “SEXY.”

But like the rotary telephone, black and white television, and natural titties – the days of “HOT” stewardesses are only an ephemeral memory.

Tags: flight attendants

Posted in Humor | 20 Comments »