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Archive for May, 2008

Please Come Back On Monday

Tuesday, May 27th, 2008

When Hollywood dictates the rabble must follow – or something like that. I will be taking the rest of this week off to write a ten page narrative for my screenplay ‘Lifestyle.’ Have a good week.

 

 

 

Tags: Hollywood

Posted in Hollywood | 3 Comments »

Chicago Sun Times

Saturday, May 24th, 2008

Tags: Chicago Sun Times

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

A True Story!

Friday, May 23rd, 2008

As I was sitting at Starbucks, a nice-looking older woman, maybe in her late seventies, sat down at the next table. A few minutes later an elderly man, maybe her age, walked over and asked if he could join her. The next thing I knew I was eavesdropping on their conversation.

They obviously didn’t know each other because they introduced themselves and asked a lot of questions. I suddenly got sensitive and thought about my widowed mom meeting a sweet old gentleman like this guy.

Then out-of-the-blue the old man asked her, “How often do you get laid?” The old broad giggled and said, “Not often enough.” I almost fell off my chair! The guy then invited her to his crib and off they went. As they walked away he took a step backwards to check out her ass.

In my best days of being single I never had such luck with women. And thank God this wasn’t my mother!

Tags: Starbucks

Posted in Humor, Romance | 1 Comment »

Flying The Sexy Skies

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

It was announced today that American Airlines is going to charge fifteen dollars to transport our suitcase that will carry our toothbrush, electric shaver, underwear, and other belongings we can’t stuff in our pant pockets. That’s Un-American!

But wait, this is only the beginning of being nickel and dimed by the airlines. I understand United is considering making their lavatories, ‘Pay and Pee’ - and Delta liked the idea so much they too are doing the same but because of trademark infringements they’re calling their washrooms ‘Crap and compensate.’

Richard Branson of Virgin Air announced that the bathroom tax is excessive so he’s installing stripper poles,  ATM machines, and strippers for  all flights. There will be a twenty dollar cover to board.  And last but not least, Singapore Airlines will make more money by requesting that you get naked once on board so they can dry clean and press your clothing.

CEO Chew Choon Seng guarantees that you’ll have your clothes back before you land or you’ll walk out naked.

Tags: American Airlines, Richard Branson, Virgin Air

Posted in Humor | 1 Comment »

A Few Things Wrong With Today!

Wednesday, May 21st, 2008

I got into my car this morning only to see I was on empty again.

I stopped at Barnes & Noble to pick up the new issue of Rolling Stone Magazine only to see I wasn’t on the cover for the forty-first straight year.

While the psychologically troubled “Mother Of The Year” Britney Spears is re-connecting with Kabbalah and yoga at Mel Gibson’s multi-million dollar Costa Rican retreat, I’m home endlessly fighting with my ungrateful 17 year old, re-caulking the bathroom shower for the 3rd time, and under-attack by my wife to pull out two dead bushes.

Despite the fact that the crippled economy, foreclosures, rising oil prices, and who will be the next president is important stuff, Larry King would rather have us believe that Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, and Indiana Jones is more important.

And to People Magazine - I don’t feel sorry for Jessica Simpson being dumped by Tony Romo. I feel sorry for kids who won’t have dinner tonight.

I can’t wait to get on the road performing for bikers and swingers - and leave the real world behind.

Tags: Rolling Stone Magazine, Tony Romo

Posted in Humor | No Comments »