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Archive for March, 2008

Egoism and Politicos

Monday, March 31st, 2008

Wow, what a surprise – rich married men hiring expensive high-class call girls for sex. At a thousand dollars an hour it’s not the eighteen dollar-an-hour plumber sneaking behind his wife’s back for some extra-marital kinky pleasure. Its affluent men who can afford it! Then why are the wives’ of these wealthy cheaters shocked when their husbands get busted? It could be a million reasons but one thing is for sure - the rich and politically powerful are busy tormenting everyone else’s dark cloud when they have their own storm fermenting. And that arrogance is what makes the middle and lower classes superior to their nemesis. Stuart Jacobson for President!

Tags: cheating, dominatrix, Politics

Posted in Humor, Politics | 2 Comments »

Obama vs. Hillary

Friday, March 28th, 2008

Writing from some bar in Del Ray Beach, FL

There are so many sports one can attach themselves to - My favorite is ‘Female Oil Wrestling.’ I like it because the players wear fewer clothes than baseball players and there’s more body contact than Monday night football. I’ve witnessed this game and I’m hooked.

Every June, I emcee a weekend long biker’s festival at the Black River Rumble in Black River Falls, Wisconsin. Opening night begins with beautiful sexy women getting naked, fully oiled down, and thrown in a 10×10 wrestling ring challenging bikers to test their strength, prowess, and determination as they roll around like dogs in heat. The crowds go wild!

And here’s my point – I’m tired of Hillary and Obama spurring insults and innuendos at each other without any consequences. The test of strength to lead this country should be determined by getting both of these presidential candidates in the ring naked, saturate their bodies in oil, and let them wrestle the crap out of each other to see who prevails. Who knows, maybe the winner can wrestle John McCain for president.

“No thanks bartender, I’ve had one too many!”

Tags: Black River Rumble, del ray beach, Hilary, Obama, Oil wrestling

Posted in Humor, Politics | 3 Comments »

I’m waiting for your call!

Thursday, March 27th, 2008

As I was standing on the corner of 8th and Collins yesterday, in front of Banana Republic in Miami Beach, a bird flying from above took a huge dump that landed directly on me. As I was wiping away that disgusting white shit from my face and tee shirt, my wife nonchalantly said, “Maybe someone will call to produce your screenplay.” I completely forgotten that a bird shitting on someone means good luck is about to happen.

According to legend here are some of the success stories from this bird shit theory. Donald Trump made his first 10 million the same afternoon a bird shit on his head. Jay Leno was hired to replace Johnny Carson the same day a bird shit on him and the Paris Hilton sex tape was discovered the following day Paris got fired on with bird shit.

So maybe there is truth this folk tale and someone will call to produce my engaging comedy about the lifestyle of swinging and a guy who finds success entertaining swingers.

Please contact me ASAP so I don’t have to wait to be covered with another bird dropping.

Tags: Bird Shit, Donald Trump, Good Luck, Screenplay, swinging

Posted in Screenplay | No Comments »

Commentary

Wednesday, March 26th, 2008

Did you know that a woman flashing her breasts in public is more popular in this country than any other country? Well, I don’t know that to be a sociological fact but it seems it could be. Wherever you go, women of all ages are posing for pictures by picking up their tops to expose their boobs. What inclination has propelled this phenomenon?

It’s all about clicks, hits, and traffic! Since the advent of the cellular telephone camera and internet voyeur sites, women of all ages are positioning themselves to be noticed. Just looking pretty no longer guarantees that men will say, “Wow, she’s hot.” But pick up your top and expose your titties and you’re guaranteed to be looked at; now, tomorrow, and forever. With any luck, no laws will be passed to prevent this exceptional behavior.

Tags: Boobs, flashing, titties

Posted in Sex, Sociology | 2 Comments »

Should I or should I not get a tattoo?

Tuesday, March 25th, 2008

Since I’m reporting from Miami’s South Beach today, my big dilemma is whether I should go to one of the many tattoo parlors to get my first tattoo. I don’t know what my apprehension is - but whatever it is, it’s preventing me from getting one. The Jewish law forbids tattoos. “You shall not make gashes in your flesh for the dead, or incise any marks on yourselves: I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:28). But that’s not why I haven’t gotten one. My wife says, “Do it!” My eighty year old mother is not against it. And my teenage son says, “don’t be a pussy.” But what if I don’t like it? And what if the tattooist fucks up? In a recent study I conducted for FLE-TV, women said, “Guys with tattoos are sexier.” That alone should encourage me to get one. But no matter how hard I try talking me into it, my other me says, “Don’t do it.” So for the hundredth time I will walk into a tattooist shop today, pick out a tattoo from the thousands on display, and walk out without getting one. I guess I’ll never be sexy!

Tags: Miami Beach South Beach, tattoos

Posted in Humor | 3 Comments »